Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do:forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus
Philippians 3:12-14
Now this is some good stuff. This is just one thing I love about the Bible. It says exactly what I need to hear exactly when I need to hear it. I love how Paul speaks of pressing on. Running the race so to speak. Not that we forget our little ones, but rather the pain associated with loosing them. I will never forget Nathan nor should I. He remains a miracle I am blessed to have experienced. I do not have to forget Him to forget the aching and breaking of my heart. I can set Him aside from that pain and see Him as a living gift from God. He just lives elsewhere, in His glorified body, and gets to hang out with Jesus every moment. What a lucky little booger.
The most amazing thing I have experienced this side of heaven was feeling Nathan grow within me. To feel His life is something I cherish. To see my belly grow as He grew was an awesome display. I loved every moment expecting Him. Now I must love every moment in anticipation of our reunion.
One day I will stand before The Lord. One day I will answer for my life. And even though I have questioned this trial and screamed of it's unfairness, he will give me the gift of being reunited with Nathan. Seeing Jesus, praising Him in Glory, is the goal, and will be the ultimate experience of my whole life. But He loves me so much he will still give me Nathan. Now that is Love. Even when it is all about Him he will still consider me. Heaven is not about Me and Nathan. But Jesus loves me to the point that He will still give that to me. He loves me that much.
God's gift of Nathan has been felt by not only you, but by those who love you and continue to pray for you. The Lord has used Nathan in a hundred ways to minister to so many peoople, myself included. God's love for us is so gracious, unwavering and vast that there is no way we will ever understand it. I can't remember the exact lyric, but there's a lyric to one of th songs on the CDs you made and it says something like "if God's love is an ocean, I am only standing on the shore" or something similar to that. I feel that way so much - Nathan is so blessed that he is swimming in the ocean of God's magnificent love and that he is experiencing the awestruck wonder of our Savior!
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'm just now catching up on my blog reading and what is with the two of you (Sam and Heather) saying all the perfect things all perfect-like thus rendering my comments redundant (and far less eloquent)??? (Sam I'm talking about your comment on Heather's latest too) This lifesong of a blog you've created is just incredible. What a tribute to your sweet baby boy and a testament to your loving Father. I love your reach out to people on top--the packet request address, the email for prayer requests. You are a treasure. I love you so.
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