Have you ever wondered why those of us that love the LORD endure so much tragedy and suffering? I wonder about it all the time. I am sure there is a philosophical answer. I am sure it can be backed up with scripture. But honestly, in my simple mind, I believe it is really all about God. Because, in our weakness God reveals Himself.
When I am at the end of my plans, and at the end of what I think is best, God reveals what are His plans and what is really best. What the enemy means for evil, God turns into amazing.
I tell myself the above each and every morning. It has been 16 -months now…. and each morning I have to remind myself of the above. Each morning I struggle with the guilt of moving forward. Knowing all the while that this is what God wants for me. It doesn’t bother Nathan that I laugh and experience life. It doesn’t bother Him at all that I carry him with me but not so close all the time. Some days I have to carry him a bit further away so that I can function.
It’s kind of like holding a balloon on a string. Sometimes the balloon is right at my shoulders and other times it is floating above me. Sometimes the balloon is far above my head. Other days it is in my arms. But the balloon is never out of my thoughts. I am aware of its presence and I value it. But if I hold it to tight it may burst. It may burst into the grief monster, and pull me down into darkness and sadness. I would rather watch it float in the breeze, knowing God is on the breeze, and my balloon is safe and sound.
Peace is a tremendous gift, even when we don’t understand. Have you ever seen the end of the movie Forrest Gump? The part when he sits on the stump, and the feather floats up and up and up. It’s cinematically breathtaking.
Peace is a lot like that. It just floats up and up and up, and it is an awesome display to just sit and experience it.
