The 8th day

Today I was bummed. I woke up bummed. Showered bummed. Got ready for the day bummed. And did everything bummed the rest of the day. At first I assumed it was because everything I tried on didn’t fit right. You ever have those days? Shirt too tight. Jeans tighter than yesterday. Even my shoes seemed tighter. Then I remembered the shoes never really fit right and that gave me slight relief. Why am I even keeping these silly shoes. I digress….

I spent the day with my sister. We did a little shopping. I used some awesome coupons, and even got 30cents off per gallon! (Thank You Kroger) This alone should have brightened my day. I even had a few really good laughs throughout. But still I was bummed. I even had a slight ache beyond my temples. But I just couldn’t name what it was that was bothering me. I mean besides the obvious, but that is an ache I have become familiar with. I even dare say an ache I am learning to live with. But for some reason today was different. I even had pizza for dinner! Which side note makes me instantly happy on every occasion.

Then I laid my head down, closed my eyes, and quickly it came to me. Today is the 8th of the month. Nathan’s 9 month mark. All day my heart was aching. I was out of sorts all day and just couldn’t name why. I am not sure how to feel exactly. Normally I anticipate the 8th of each month. I anticipate being a little sad and plan accordingly. But this month snuck up on me, and I cried thinking….
I wonder why? Does this make me a bad person? When did I stop counting the days? When did the 8th of the month become just another day? Is this progress or something negative? Is it O.K. that I did not mark the day?


The truth is that with or without me intentionally putting this day aside, my heart knew all along. My heart knew what day it was, but also knew I needed to keep living on this particular day. Maybe it was O.K. to feel a deeper ache today, but to keep going without giving the date itself power. Maybe I shouldn’t put the 8th day of each month in a box, and stare at it all day long. Maybe my heart will hurt and heal with or without my input. Grief obviously doesn’t need my itinerary. God is obviously healing my heart in His time. His time is perfect. Maybe I need to be O.K. that I went with the flow today. Truth be told Nathan is still safe and sound in Glory no matter what day it is. Maybe I need to start marking the 8th day of the month positive instead. The 8th day of the month is when I met Him. The 8th day of the month was when James and I finally held him and kissed his chubby cheeks. The 8th day of the month He was already in Glory.

Today I was shopping I saw a wall plaque that I really wanted to buy. The words really spoke to me. I have seen it a few times, and it always catches my attention. Maybe next week I will go ahead and get it. Because I just now realized what it truly means. It reads…..

Keep Calm and Carry On

Good advice, because in the end, the truth is that I hear God best in the stillness, and He can't guide my steps if don't keep moving.