Greeting Grief

Grief is such an unexpected house quest. Whether you hate your grief or embrace your grief doesn’t matter. All that matters is that it has showed up at your doorstep and you have a choice to make.

“Do I slam the door in it’s face and try to ignore it? Possibly even run out the back door? “ Or “Do I welcome it in and offer it to stay for coffee? Possibly for a short visit that will no doubt be the entire length of my favorite T.V. show? “
At some point, to avoid insanity, you have to make a choice. Run from the grief or embrace it?

A few weeks after we lost Nathan a sweet woman who works at our bank heard our story and she opened up about also loosing a son many years ago. She told me that yes it is difficult to go forward. But it is possible. It is a choice. You can choose to let the grief overcome you. To live life only a shell of who you once were. To live a life void of God’s blessings because your heart is full of regret and anger.

She expressed the flip side as well. Or you can embrace it and take a journey with it. See what God has for you on the other side of this trial. And gain a peace beyond understanding. You will never move on but you can move forward

She too is a believer and I could immediately feel her sweet spirit as she was speaking with James and I. She was telling me exactly what I needed to hear at that exact moment. While the world was spinning around us there was just the three of us. And she took valuable time to minister to a couple that needed to see her courage, we needed to be reminded that the power of God can still be found in dark places, and actually that is where the power of God shines the brightest.

I have carried these words with me thought the past 7 months. At the beginning we all were very afraid of which option I would choose, I had to choose one way to greet my grief. Ignoring it is not an option and it only leads to insanity. So with much prayer and the prayers of my amazing support system I choose and am able to embrace grief.


I open the door to grief when I feel it knocking. I am finding that if I am almost welcoming to it, the bad times are less frequent and the sting is a little less harsh each time.
But sometimes grief sneaks in the back door and knocks my knees completely out from under me. Expecting me to fall so far I won’t even try to get back up.
So I sit with it for a minute giving it some attention. I say good morning grief and then I tell it what we will be doing today. Grief we are going to get out of bed, take a shower, enjoy some coffee, talk to the lord, see what I need to be doing today and at some point I would like to get a nap in.
I am only able to do this because God has given me power through Him. Sometimes grief leaves quickly and sometimes it lingers. However it knows that it isn’t allowed to overcome me. Even grief must know it’s place in Gods plan. There will be pain. Grief will be part of it, but only within My God’s boundaries.

Thursday evening I was remembering Nathan’s features.
I could remember his dark hair, button nose, chubby hands, his broad shoulders.
But was very saddened because I could not remember if his eyebrows were light or dark? Or what his feet looked liked? Grief shot me out of bed and I had to get out Nathan’s memory box. I looked through all the photos and was frantically trying to find just one picture of his feet. I could never find one.
I was able to see that his eyebrows were lighter than his hair, and I had to accept that some memories just are not going to be so easy to recall. I have to accept that I won’t have pictures of every little thing.
I sat with grief for a bit that night. I had a good cry, but it was on my terms.

The fear of forgetting Nathan’s features is something I struggle with.
I simply have to see Him in my mind because memories are all I have left of Him. When you have no tangible evidence of your baby . You need your memories to be clear.
That is how you see them and bond with them. That is how you respect that they were once a living individual and not just something you held in your dreams.

I am glad that God sets boundaries even on grief. Almost as if it is there to serve me, by keeping me focused. If I stay focused I have the power to overcome. Grief can sometimes be useful. It can serve as a reminder that we are still in this place but we are in control of how we choose to meet the circumstances in this place. Pain reminds us that this is not our home.