Angry Pants

I have recently cycled through an "Angry" stage. I would not say I have said goodbye to this angry stage forever, as I am sure it will cycle back at some point. But this particular season of anger has passed for me, and I am very glad to see it go.

Anger is a strange emotion. I think that is mostly because it is often misdirected. When you loose a child who do you blame it on? Even when human error or reckless decision is involved who do you really blame? In the end doesn't God have the final say? How exactly does a person successfully express anger at the LORD? How does a person ever win that fight? How can a person effectively place blame with the LORD? I think it is human nature to blame our CREATOR when things fall apart. All the more reason for me to adore Him. He allows my rants and loves me still.

I think that anger can be as useful as it is strange. Anger can be used to propel us to another place. Anger can be a handy ladder to have to scale overwhelming walls. We can actually use anger as a catalyst to propel us higher than we could have before. I think this is why God allows it. Even when anger is directed at Him, He knows it has a purpose in the end. Only in being honest about your anger can you overcome what it was that made you angry in the first place. You have to sometimes meet the beast face to face before you can slay it.

I no longer feel like I am a horrible person for being angry. Mostly my anger was because everyone else’s lives seemed to move right along after Nathan’s death. They went to work. They had babies of their own. They laughed and experienced life. While mine seemed to stand still. The truth is that they were suppose to move forward. This is the natural progression of life. We are not meant to stay in misery.

In my humanness it was expected for me to be weak and to be jealous and to feel empty. I am not abnormal for feeling this way. This is what grace is for. God’s grace covers the ugliness of my anger and jealousy, and it allows for me to be forgiven…..especially to forgive myself.


Dear Ones,
Thank you for seeing me through this angry stage. Thank you for loving me despite my misdirected anger. Thank you for not even asking if it was you whom I was angry at? But instead for focusing on encouraging me without ever needing to know the answer.
I love you to reese’s pieces